GRATITUDE

“The power of gratitude. It can turn a bad day into a good one. It can make you look at your life in a different way.  It can make the difference in how thankful you are. Not just during the holidays, but every day.” Maria Shriver

How Often Do You Express GRATITUDE? 

It is easy to be grateful when things are going swimmingly well but what do we do when we feel stressed out or trapped by life’s demands? What do we do when we suddenly find ourselves at a loss to say what we think or even how we feel about events around us? Moreover, what about when we have tried to handle a situation and it persists, and we try another approach and it lingers? At some point, we have to surrender our need to have all our pegs fit nicely in their square holes. We have to stop, catch our breath, and change directions, albeit for a short while. What is this all about? Well, I was wondering when you would ask. I started the New Year on solid ground. I had made a clear decision to focus on a number of offline projects and channel a bit more into my online work. All was coming along nicely until I hit a wall over the weekend. No, it was an imaginary not a physical wall.  Everything stopped. I had to rethink my projects and I was feeling very frustrated.

An Aesop Story (Aesop was a Greek fabulist and storyteller credited with a number of fables now collectively known as Aesop's Fables): The Hares & the Frogs

Hares, as you know, are very timid. The least shadow, sends them scurrying in fright to a hiding place. Once they decided to die rather than live in such misery. However, while they were debating how best to meet death, they thought they heard a noise and in a flash were scampering off to the warren. On the way, they passed a pond where a family of Frogs was sitting among the reeds on the bank. In an instant the startled Frogs were seeking safety in the mud.
“Look,” cried a Hare, “things are not so bad after all, for here are creatures who are even afraid of us!”

Moral: However unfortunate we may think we are there is always someone worse off than we are.

“When you meet obstacles with gratitude, your perception starts to shift, resistance loses its power, and grace finds a home within you.” Oprah

 What About Gratitude Fits Here? 

A couple of projects I was working on had stalled and I was frustrated. I spent the rest of the weekend trying to salvage things and it was only late on Monday that a light bulb glowed above my head with GRATITUDE scrawled all over it. No, my situation had not turned around. Things were still under advisement and a tad chaotic. I was feeling the stress and in a moment of sheer exasperation, that message lit up my brain like neon lights. I was being reminded to focus on gratitude! Hence, the topic of this post. Whenever we think the grass across the pike is greener, it is a sign for us to hit that pause button and reevaluate our circumstances. Are we sure it is greener and how can we improve on own condition where we are? It cannot hurt to consider the worst-case scenario and then adjust our thinking from complaint mode to gratitude mode. Yes, the idiomatic expression I amended above is trying to fit a misfit … but that was not the point I was trying to make.

An Aesop Story: The Town Mouse & the Country Mouse

A Town Mouse once visited a relative who lived in the country. For lunch, the Country Mouse served wheat stalks, roots, and acorns, with a dash of cold water for drink. The Town Mouse ate very sparingly, nibbling a little of this and a little of that, and by her manner making it very plain that she ate the simple food only to be polite.

After the meal, the friends had a long talk, or rather the Town Mouse talked about her life in the city while the Country Mouse listened. They then went to bed in a cozy nest in the hedgerow and slept in quiet and comfort until morning. In her sleep, the Country Mouse dreamed she was a Town Mouse with all the luxuries and delights of city life that her friend had described for her. So the next day when the Town Mouse asked the Country Mouse to go home with her to the city, she gladly said yes.

When they reached the mansion in which the Town Mouse lived, they found on the table in the dining room the leavings of a very fine banquet. There were sweetmeats and jellies, pastries, delicious cheeses, indeed, the most tempting foods that a Mouse can imagine. However, just as the Country Mouse was about to nibble a dainty bit of pastry, she heard a Cat mew loudly and scratch at the door. In great fear, the Mice scurried to a hiding place, where they lay quite still for a long time, hardly daring to breathe. When at last they ventured back to the feast, the door opened suddenly and in came the servants to clear the table, followed by the House Dog.
The Country Mouse stopped in the Town Mouse’s den only long enough to pick up her bag and umbrella.

“You may have luxuries and dainties that I have not,” she said as she hurried away, “but I prefer my plain food and simple life in the country with the peace and security that go with it.”

Moral: Poverty with security is better than plenty in the midst of fear and uncertainty.

 “You cannot exercise much power without gratitude; for it is gratitude that keeps you connected with Power.” Wallace D. Wattles

How Gratitude Pulls us Off the Edge:

A spirit of gratitude can help us adjust to situations and find alternative ways to accomplish our goals. It is so easy to be stuck in a quagmire and moan about this and that but that is not productive.  If we take one small step away from our pity party and focus on the lessons learned, a doorway will find its way to us, encouraging us to start our journey all over again with a keener wisdom. Of course, not all of this happens overnight or in a vacuum but, if we stay open to the possibility of magical moments around us, we too might find our equivalent of a Prince Charming.  My frustration and attempts to see the light led me back to some of my favorite Aesop Stories, and I have shared a few of these classic and wisdom-filled stories with you.

An Aesop Story: The Fox & the Crab

A Crab one day grew disgusted with the sands in which he lived. He decided to take a stroll to the meadow not inland. There he would find better fare than salt water and sand mites. Therefore, off he crawled to the meadow. However, there a hungry Fox spied him, and in a twinkling, ate him up, both shell and claw.

Moral: Be content with your lot.

داستانی برای ضرب المثل شکر نعمت، نعمتت افزون کند 

روزی، سنگتراشي كه از كار خود ناراضي بود و احساس حقارت ميكرد، از نزديكي خانه بازرگاني رد ميشد. در باز بود و او خانهء مجلل، باغ و نوكران بازرگان را ديد و به حال خود غبطه خورد با خود گفت : اين بازرگان چقدر قدرتمند است! و آرزو كرد كه او هم مانند بازرگان باشد. 

در يك لحظه، به فرمان خدا او تبديل به بازرگاني با جاه و جلال شد! تا مدت ها فكر ميكرد كه ازهمه قدرتمندتر است. تا اين كه يك روز حاكم شهر از آنجا عبور كرد، او ديد كه همه مردم به حاكم احترام مي گذارند حتي بارزگانان. 

مرد با خودش فكر كرد : كاش من هم يك حاكم بودم، آن وقت از همه قوي تر ميشدم! 

در همان لحظه ، او تبديل به حاكم مقتدر شهر شد. در حالي كه روي تخت رواني نشسته بود، مردم همه به او تعظيم ميكردند. احساس كرد كه نور خورشيد او را مي آزارد و با خودش فكر كرد كه خورشيد چقدر قدرتمند است . آرزو كرد كه خورشيد باشد و تبديل به خورشيد شد و با تمام نيرو سعي كرد كه به زمين بتابد و آن را گرم كند. 

پس از مدتي ابري بزرگ و سياه آمد و جلوي تابش او را گرفت. پس با خود انديشيد كه نيروي ابر از خورشيد بيشتر است، و آرزو كرد كه تبديل به ابري بزرگ شود و آنچنان شد. 

كمي نگذشته بود كه بادي آمد و او را به اين طرف و آن طرف هل داد. اين بار آرزو كرد كه باد شود و تبديل به باد شد. ولي وقتي به نزديكي صخره سنگي رسيد، ديگر قدرت تكان دادن صخره را نداشت. با خود گفت كه قوي ترين چيز در دنيا، صخره سنگي است و تبديل به سنگي بزرگ و عظيم شد. 

همان طور كه با غرور ايستاده بود، ناگهان صدايي شنيد و احساس كرد كه دارد خورد ميشود. نگاهي به پايين انداخت و سنگتراشي را ديد كه با چكش و قلم به جان او افتاده است! 

نداند کسی قدر روز خوشی

مگر روزی افتد به سختی کشی

زمستان درویش در تنگ سال

چه سهل است پیش خداوند مال

سلیمی که یک چند نالان نخفت

خداوند را شکر صحت نگفت

چو مردانه‌رو باشی و تیز پای

به شکرانه باکند پایان بپای

به پیر کهن بر ببخشد جوان

توانا کند رحم بر ناتوان

چه دانند جیحونیان قدر آب

ز واماندگان پرس در آفتاب

عرب را که در دجله باشد قعود

چه غم دارد از تشنگان زرود

کسی قیمت تندرستی شناخت

که یک چند بیچاره در تب گداخت

تو را تیره شب کی نماید دراز

که غلطی ز پهلو به پهلوی ناز؟

براندیش از افتان و خیزان تب

که رنجور داند درازای شب

به بانگ دهل خواجه بیدار گشت

چه داند شب پاسبان چون گذشت؟ 

شکر و سپاس به عنوان فضیلتی اخلاقی مورد تایید و تاکید است. هر انسانی با عقل خود به این نتیجه میرسد که باید تشکر کرد از افرادی که به گونه ای به او  محبت میکنند و یا نعمتی را به وی میدهند.

شکر همواره در برابر نعمتی است . به این معنا که انسان نسبت به نعمتی که به وی داده میشود خود را موظف میبیند که تشکر کند و سپاس  به جای آورد.

تشکر و سپاس به شکلهای مختلف انجام میپذیرد مثلا  شخص به زبان، سپاس خود را ابراز میکند. استفاده درست از نعمت نوع دیگری از شکرگذاری است که بالاتر از شکر زبانی است.

در آیات بسیاری از قرآن به مسئلهء سپاس و شکر اشاره شده و از مردمان خواسته شده است که نسبت به نعمت و نعمت دهنده شاکر باشند

توجه به این نکته نیز لازم است که تشکر و قدردانی از کسانی که وسیلهء نعمتی برای انسان هستند نیز لازم است چنان که امام سجاد(ع) میفرماید: روز قیامت خداوند متعال به بعضی از بندگانش می گوید: آیا شکر فلان کس را بجای آوردی عرض می کند: پروردگارا! من شکر تو را به جای آوردم، خداوند می فرماید: چون شکر او را بجا نیاوردی شکر مرا هم بجا نیاورده ای! سپس افزود "اشکر کم الله اشکر کم للناس"  پس شکرگزارترین شما در پیشگاه خدا کسی است که از نعمتها و زحمات مردم بیشترین قدردانی و شکرگزاری را به عمل آورد.

LIFE CHOICES

“Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” John C. Maxwell

Sometimes it is the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. Keri Russell

The key to accepting responsibility for your life is to accept the fact that your choices, every one of them, are leading you inexorably to either success or failure, however you define those terms. Neal Boortz 

Some of our important choices have a time line. If we delay a decision, the opportunity is gone forever. Sometimes our doubts keep us from making a choice that involves change. Thus, an opportunity may be missed. James E. Faust

CHOICE: What critical life choices have you made? 

The phone rang and even though I did not recognize the number on my caller ID, it looked familiar so I picked up the phone. On the other end, the caller spoke in a slow, sultry voice.  “Hello… please don’t hang up. In the next 30 seconds, I will share the most powerful information you need to hear this year.”  Immediately, my antenna for bull-crap lit up. “I’ll show you how you can make $10,000 from your armchair, without batting an eyelid.” Sultry purred.  Of course, the devil on my left shoulder urged me to listen because hey, you never know. The quiet voice of reason on my right shoulder calmly took the phone out of my hand and placed it back on the receiver.  Not today…. Frankly, not any day soon will Sultry sell me parts of the Brooklyn Bridge. 

Every day, in some fashion, we come up against such events in so many different versions. Some of the choices we make are for mundane things, while others are for very serious life changing matters. Whichever way we look at it, we face daily decisions to choose a position and act on it. Some of our choices can change the trajectory of our lives and we view them as critical decisions. My decision to move to the USA in early 1970’s was a critical move that meant leaving my family and friends behind to pursue my own continuing educational interests. This decision put me on a new life path with new experiences that continue to influence my life.

The choices we make fall into a wide range of categories. We find ourselves choosing a position on almost anything; our choices are professional, personal, and even arbitrary. We make choices about career paths, marriage or staying single. We choose to emigrate or stay local, to get healthy or not, to build new friendships and even relocate to new homes in another state. With each decision we make, there are consequences that we must face and sometimes they are quite unpleasant. However, we all know that choices, like change, are a necessary part of life and if we do not make them, we stagnate. Our choices do not come with guarantees of success, and some of our choices can take us down a new road filled with opportunities, as well as broken dreams and washed up promises. However, we make them anyway because we must act or perish.  Baldwin’s advice in the story below begins with the admonition: Don’t Give Up.

Do not Give Up Story… The Choice of Hercules by James Baldwin

When Hercules was a fair-faced youth, and life was all before him, he went out one morning to do an errand for his stepfather. However, as he walked his heart was full of bitter thoughts; and he murmured because others no better than himself were living in ease and pleasure, while for him there was naught but a life of labor and pain.
As he thought upon these things, he came to a place where two roads met; and he stopped, not certain which one to take.

The road on his right was hilly and rough; there was no beauty in it or about it: but he saw that it led straight toward the Blue Mountains in the far distance. The road on his left was broad and smooth, with shade trees on either side, where sang an innumerable choir of birds; and it went winding among green meadows, where bloomed countless flowers: but it ended in fog and mist long before it reached the wonderful Blue Mountains in the distance.  While the young man stood in doubt as to these roads, he saw two fair women coming toward him, each on a different road. The one who came by the flowery way reached him first, and Hercules saw that she was as beautiful as a summer day. Her cheeks were red, her eyes sparkled; she, spoke warm, persuasive words. “O noble youth,” she said, “be no longer bowed down with labor and sore trials, but come and follow me, I will lead you into pleasant paths, where there are no storms to disturb and no troubles to annoy. You shall live in ease, with one unending round of music and mirth; and you shall not want for anything that makes life joyous–sparkling wine, or soft couches, or rich robes, or the loving eyes of beautiful maidens. Come with me, and life shall be to you a day-dream of gladness.”

By this time, the other fair woman had drawn near, and she now spoke to the young man. “I have nothing to promise you,” said she, “save that which you shall win with your own strength. The road upon which I would lead you is uneven and hard, and climbs many a hill, and descends into many a valley and quagmire. The views, which you will sometimes get from the hilltops, are grand and glorious, but the deep valleys are dark, and the ascent from them is toilsome. Nevertheless, the road leads to the blue mountains of endless fame, which you see far away on the horizon. They cannot be reached without labor; in fact, there is nothing worth having that must not be won by toil. If you would have fruits and flowers, you must plant them and care for them; if you would gain the love of your fellow men, you must love them and suffer for them; if you would enjoy the favor of Heaven, you must make yourself worthy of that favor; if you would have eternal fame, you must not scorn the hard road that leads to it.”

Then Hercules saw that this lady, although she was as beautiful as the other, had a countenance pure and gentle, like the sky on a balmy morning in May.
“What is your name?” he asked. “Some call me Labor,” she answered, “but others know me as Virtue.” Then he turned to the first lady. “And what is your name?” he asked. “Some call me Pleasure,” she said, with a bewitching smile, “but I choose to be known as the Joyous and Happy One.”
“Virtue,” said Hercules, “I will take you as my guide! The road of labor and honest effort shall be mine, and my heart shall no longer cherish bitterness or discontent.”
Moreover, he put his hand into that of Virtue, and entered with her upon the straight and forbidding road that leads to the fair Blue Mountains on the pale and distant horizon. 

“It is our choices… that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” J. K. Rowling

Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent, and committed decision. Tony Robbins

It does not matter on which side of the fence you get off sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions. Jim Rohn

I believe that we are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

CHANCE: Did you take a calculated chance?  

Choices include those we make after much reflection, those we take without thinking, and some we take as a calculated chance at something great. I think people who come up with inventions or scientific discoveries that revolutionize the world take calculated risks and we all benefit. I also believe that people who enter artistic contests or go on TV shows take a calculated chance that the exposure might bring them fame and fortune. For some, it becomes the path to great success while others flounder and disappear. Even when we figure out a pathway that we believe will lead us from point A to point Z, it takes more than our game-plan to get there. We need to not only be persistent but also flexible and forgiving. Forgiving? What does that have to do with choices?  If you have spent any time with a successful, creative person, you would get to hear about the rejections, the naysayers, and the plain and simple haters who tried to derail their dreams. It comes with the territory and we all have our own versions of such stories. Even our own family members can unwittingly derail our plans because they love us and want to shield us from public pain. We have to learn to forgive the mutterings of others and forgive ourselves too for opening the door to such things.  Do not give in to the stuff. The truth is that we all need encouragement to pursue that pie in the sky dream. How would we ever know what might come of it if we do not try? I think of Elon Musk and Tesla and Space X…. and so many other brilliant creatives who did not listen to people who told them their dreams were idiotic.  Do not give in so easily…

Years back, when I was exploring career paths, I was very interested in scientific topics. I saved my weekly pay from my grandfather to buy a youth science magazine called; “Daneshmand”. I enjoyed reading about discoveries, etc. I also, enjoyed reading poetry and literature. Consulting with some of the teachers at my high school, I decided to take the mathematics option. Buying a book on probability theory and learning that on my own, showed me the way forward. My passion was the engineering field. For me that was the professional path to success. My family members also encouraged me all along to get an education! Become a teacher, lawyer, doctor, and scientist and on and on they went. I followed my own heart.

Whether our choices to take a calculated chance lead us down a rabbit hole or on the brightest stage, forgiving ourselves for our missteps is crucial to our journey. Baldwin’s Hercules, knew not to give in. Do not give in to others opinions about your heartfelt dreams. Listen. Speak up. Find a way to express yourself and go for it.

“Life is about choices. Some we regret some we are proud of. Some will haunt us forever. The message: we are what we chose to be.” Graham Brown

So many roads. So many detours. So many choices. So many mistakes. Sarah Jessica Parker

Life presents you with so many decisions. Many times, they are right in front of your face and they are difficult, but we must make them. Brittany Murphy

We are the creative force of our life, and through our own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals. Stephen Covey

CHANGE: Which CHOICES forced a change in you? 

With our choices comes a certain amount of change. We make choices daily and it begins from the moment we open our eyes and decide to get out of bed. From there on, our brain kicks into overdrive and we spend the rest of the day … and the rest of our life choosing this, that and the other. We discard some along the way, reclaim others and are stumped by a few choices. Some choices open doors that lead us to phenomenal rewards, while others put our lives at peril. Some choices inspire pride and others great shame. Some of our choices take such a toll on our lives that either we are forced to make a change or one is made for us by others or the universe.

An example that comes to mind is addictions of any kind. Whatever we are addicted to will eventually take over our lives and perhaps ruin it. Even addictions to healthy things like exercise can lead to excessive workouts, injuries and some form of body dysmorphic disorder. Attachments to terrible addictions like taking drugs can kill us.

If we are forced to make a change, we must weigh the pros and cons and make our choices wisely. Truth is that we all have trouble with some degree of success or failed outcomes throughout our lives. When we fail, some of us blame others forgetting the role we played in our failures.  We might attack those we think hurt us and then feel remorse later. While remorse is a helpful emotion, it must be used to move us forward to make better choices. What are you remorseful about? How did you move your life forward? On the other side, when we succeed, some of us claim all the glory forgetting that no one achieves success on their own merit alone. Be proud but do not forget your helpers. In my case, those who supported me all along.

در پایان بمنظور حسن ختام از حافظ یاد میکنیم:

اگر روم ز پی اش فتنه‌ها برانگیزد

ور از طلب بنشینم به کینه برخیزد

و گر به رهگذری یک دم از وفاداری

چو گرد در پی اش افتم چو باد بگریزد

و گر کنم طلب نیم بوسه صد افسوس

ز حقه دهنش چون شکر فروریزد

من آن فریب که در نرگس تو می‌بینم

بس آب روی که با خاک ره برآمیزد

فراز و شیب بیابان عشق دام بلاست

کجاست شیردلی کز بلا نپرهیزد

تو عمر خواه و صبوری که چرخ شعبده باز

هزار بازی از این طرفه‌تر برانگیزد

بر آستانه تسلیم سر بنه حافظ

که گر ستیزه کنی روزگار بستیزد